A new way of being and living to preserve our fundamental humanity

A new way of being and living

In the beginning…

My extraordinary story, shaped by a unique journey, has kindled in me an unwavering passion to guide and inspire others along their evolutionary paths.

I grew up in Teulada, a small village on the beautiful island of Sardinia, Italy. I was in my early teenage-years when I began to suffer from a binge-eating disorder. People thought of me as a kid who loved eating and thought that my excess weight would disappear when I grew taller. It didn’t happen. And nobody in my family understood that I had a serious problem. I ate to satisfy my longing for love, I ate to fill in an emptiness in my heart, I ate to quiet the scream inside for thinking that I wasn’t good enough to receive my mother’s love. At that time, I wasn’t aware of what drove me to eat so much. I craved more, and the more I ate the worse I felt. In secondary school I was bullied because I was fat and ugly. I didn’t take very good care of myself, and had nobody in my family to teach me how.

When my father died, I felt as if the floor fell out from under me. Suddenly the realization hit me that something important had been missing all along, and now we would never find it. We hadn’t had a good relationship because he was devoted to his job and never took the time to be with me, to create a bond, and to guide me through life. My love for him was not reciprocated and I, unconsciously, suffered a lot for this. His distant behavior made me believe that I wasn’t worthy of his love. This not only hurt me deeply but convinced me that I wasn’t worthy of the love of anybody else, especially men. When he died, my binge eating turned into bulimia and again, I was left alone with my sorrow, angry at my father because he left me alone, and not knowing what to do with my life.

My awakening and the beginning of my evolutionary process

But my father’s death also marked another turning point in my life. It was then that I began to see things as they really are, to understand the real reasons for my problems. Now I could clearly see the connection between past events and present experiences, that all these events in my life were manifestations of a toxic emotional inheritance from my family—a toxic combination of thoughts, beliefs, inclinations, traumatic memories, and inner conflicts, and the emotional wounds as consequence of my parents’ unhealthy behavior—and that I had no control over that inheritance until I woke up. Once I gained this insight, so simple but so central, solutions started to come almost effortlessly.

I also realized that the generational toxicity was fueled by the harmful influence of the system that governs us and pilots our behaviors. For example, my troubled relationship with food was made worse by the image of an ideal female beauty that in that period was incarnated by a thin, tall, and blond woman. This image triggered the pain of my emotional wound, like my low self-esteem, and the inherited inclination to eat to compensate for a lack of love and to suppress painful feelings.

Eventually I recovered from the bulimia. My body regained awareness of its own needs and now guides me in my eating to stay healthy—what, how much, and when. This way, I always feel full of energy, I don’t waste food and money, and I don’t diet anymore because my weight is stable.

But another tough challenge was waiting for me: domestic abuse. I spent ten years in a toxic relationship, another manifestation of my family’s toxic inheritance. Thanks to my previous experience, I knew where it was coming from. Although I wasn’t responsible for my partner’s violence against me, I knew that in some way I, weighed down by a history that wasn’t really mine, had allowed it into my life.

During those years, while suffering under terrible circumstances, I worked on myself to allow the solutions to come. The more I discovered the internal factors that allowed such harmful circumstances in my life, the more easily the solutions came. I understood that I inherited the inclination to attract narcissists from my mother and especially from my grandmother. Therefore, like them, I experienced domestic abuse.

At the origin of this tragic experience there was the lack of self-love caused by my mother, who never loved me. My father also contributed to this by being emotionally unavailable. When your parents fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you—to quote Philip Larkin’s poem, This be the verse—even if they do it unconsciously they leave you with a lack of love and with inclinations that compromise the quality of your life. Because I was awake and aware, little by little, the circumstances around me started to support my decision to leave my partner. We separated and got back together three times, until I finally freed myself from the last internal cause. And then it was he who decided to leave me. I was better, ready to be free, and he felt it.

In my next blog post, I will discuss how evolving into a New Human Being can lead to a constructive and healthy life free from harmful influences.