Why “Are you alright?” matters

Are you alright? These are the magic words that help us build strong and genuine relationships with each other and build a solid and functional society.

We often tend to judge and distance ourselves from the other when they say or do something that deviates from the norm. Instead of showing interest and care, we form judgments that cause us to react in negative ways.

So, we close the door to others, even before they explain why they said or did something that seemed inappropriate. In this way, we compromise a relationship that could have been strong and constructive, deprive ourselves of opportunities, show how narrow-minded we are, and create and reinforce a dysfunctional society, leaving a legacy of separation and alienation. Just like what is currently happening.

The consequences of fear and judgment in society

But what makes us behave like this? Why are we so poorly inclined to extend a hand to the other? When people don’t fit into the standards we have in our minds, we fear them. We all have childhood traumas and carry generational damaging influences, all flavored with a touch of harmful doctrines and dogmas, that teach us separation, exclusion, and discrimination. All this causes us fear that distorts the view of ourselves and, as a consequence, of others. This fear keeps us trapped in misunderstanding, not only of others but, more importantly, of ourselves.

To understand others, we must first understand ourselves, yet most people avoid looking inward because they fear their inner worlds. This lack of self-awareness not only prevents genuine relationships of reciprocal support, but also leads some to manipulate others for personal gain. Our society cannot achieve true unity and inclusion in this way.

A simple but fundamental question like, “Are you alright?” is, therefore, not in most people’s vocabulary. Why preach love and kindness, inclusivity and understanding, reciprocal support and compassion while in real life doing exactly the opposite? Personal interest.

When we avoid looking inward, we lose the ability to see others clearly. Our projections and fears take over, obscuring our judgment.

Of course, there are people who are not to be trusted. We must learn how to discern those who deserve our attention and care from those who don’t. Again, inner work is the key. If we don’t do that, we condemn ourselves to living in the illusion of being who we are not and creating a society of delusion.

Facing the consequences of a judgmental society

Like many of us, I personally experienced and paid severe consequences for people’s indifference and hypocrisy. By knowing that some of what we attract in our lives resonates with something inside ourselves, the first thing I did was take responsibility and dive into my inner world. I found a victim mentality. Too many hardships shaped an unhealthy way of thinking that made me attract indifferent and hypocritical people. Because when you feel like a victim, even if you are one, you are vulnerable, and vulnerability tends to attract people who take advantage of you.

It started with the psychological and verbal abuse of my ex-partner, which lasted ten and a half years, and was followed by a violent entry into menopause that kept me suffering for four years unnecessarily: insomnia, a sharp, stabbing pain in my head, electric shocks in my brain and body, brain fog, hot flashes that felt as if I was burning alive 24 hours a day, and constant nausea.

There were moments when I felt so bad that I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, moments when I said or did things that might have seemed irrational. I wasn’t crazy, of course. I was menopausal.

People who were in my network at that time—who preached compassion, understanding, and reciprocal support—knew what I was going through. Still, they never offered help. Some judged me, some distanced themselves, some took advantage of me, others minimized my suffering, saying it was “a matter of mindset.” But it wasn’t. It was a physiological condition that positive thinking could not heal. What I needed was real help.

Finding help and taking control

It was a couple of years later, and after deep inner work to liberate myself from the victim mentality, that I attracted supportive people. Thanks to them and my determination to win, I rose again. I fought for my right to be healthy, confronted the doctors, found the right treatment and finally reclaimed my life.

Then, I cut the cord with those who judged me. And I felt liberated.

A bitter taste stayed in my mouth for a little while. Had my old network asked me “Are you alright?” or “How can I help you?” and offered me support, I would have healed earlier, without risking my life. But they didn’t really care and didn’t want to hear about my problems, and even less, do something concrete to help solve them.

The truth is, that we are too greedy and busy with ourselves, our narrow lives, chasing our goals no matter what, to see what really counts in life, what makes us special, and what can bring us close to each other to build solid relationships and a society that makes sense.

Most of us will never be ready for this. Only those who care, truly care, will.

How small gestures can make a big difference

So, the next time you see someone in distress, or hear them say something about their suffering, pause. Instead of ignoring them, just ask, “Are you alright? How can I help you?” And then act.

Remember that preaching peace and love without practicing it is noticed—some people see when you are not genuine.

Even a small gesture can make a huge difference, like giving a slightly wilted flower a little water to help it bloom again.